An inspiring talk from Pope Francis was enough to send current Speaker John Boehner running back to his Ohio tanning booth. The remaining announced speaker candidates — Rep. Jason Chaffetz of Utah and Rep. Daniel Webster of Florida — aren’t exactly inspiring the troops.
There’s no shortage of suggestions. Fox News blowhard and radio host Sean Hannity is touting former Speaker Newt Gingrich for the job, and Gingrich, who never met a camera he didn’t like, said he’s willing as long as he can get 218 votes. (No one else is calling him.) Many in the GOP see Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan as their savior, but Ryan, who has higher ambitions, can’t say “hell, no” loudly enough. Other names are being tossed out like water balloons, and have as much lasting power, such as Mitt Romney.
So we have an ungovernable bunch of Tea Party congress-critters who care more about stomping their feet and threatening to shut down Washington than they do about governing. The speaker’s post is required by the U.S. Constitution, although there’s nothing that says the person has to be a sitting representative.
What’s a country to do? Why, look to models from history, literature, and popular culture, of course. Here are a few modest suggestions that just might fit the modern GOP brand.